Mommy Thoughts

So, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and here I am AWAKE! Not too surprising to be honest I've kinda been on this strange sleeping schedule for a few weeks now. I suppose it's preparing me for this little guys arrival. But as I sit here, I think about how in a few days (hopefully) our lives will forever be changed. We've had change many times before, it's nothing new in this house, between all the moves and of course, each addition of our girls, but this will be a change of a new kind in a couple of different ways.

First off we're having a BOY, I know, we've known this for several months now, and I knew it wouldn't actually sink in until he finally got here, but it is coming so quickly now and the reality is hitting me! A BOY! I don't know what to do with a boy! I know Princesses and pink and dress-up clothes. Drama and emotional meltdowns and dance classes. Having to make sure I have extra time in the morning to get them ready because not only do we have to get dressed, but we have to do our hair! I don't know boys, so it's like having my first child all over again. I'm totally up for the challenge, I've been looking forward to having a son for, well, forever! But I feel like in some ways I'm starting all over with the learning process. I'm not going to lie it's a bit intimidating. I just can't wait to hold him and kiss him and hug him. But mostly I'm excited to see what he looks like, WHO he looks like. The other day all three of the girls were sitting on the couch so quietly mesmerized, watching cartoons and I was taking in their beautiful profiles. All three sitting in a row and wondering which one our son would look like. I'd be happy for him to look like any of them, they are beautiful!

And the second change. That would be the change of ending one phase of our lives and moving on to the next. They say when you know you know and believe me I know! Asher will be our last baby (unless for some miraculous reason God decides that I should be the next mother of immaculate conception, and let's just say that is pretty much NOT gonna happen!!!!). We did think Kerrigan was our last, but while I can't really explain it to you the feelings are different. With Kerrigan it was a 'wanting' of her to be the last baby, but this time it is a 'knowing'. For this change I am excited. To be done with babies and to just move on with the growing up of our little family.

Beau and I have commented many times lately how Olivia is changing, growing up. She acts more mature, says things that are more mature and her looks are changing. I love it....it makes me sad....I am proud...I am nostalgic. She is turning into such beautiful lady and it's sometimes hard to remember that she was so tiny and helpless when she was born. Taryn too, my girl is getting ready to start Kindergarten and she has become such a little lady! She's still my sassy, spunky monkey, but with a grown up feel to her. And Kerrigan, my Lady K! I actually am having a bit of mourning with her. I'm mourning the fact that she will not be the 'baby' anymore. This kind of makes me sad. She by far has been my biggest 'momma's girl'. She's always been so attached to me and while in some ways I find it extremely irritating, the reality is I LOVE it! I love that she needs me, that she wants me. I love when she wraps her little arms around my neck and snuggles her head into my shoulder. It's selfish I know, but I so eat it up! But know I won't be able to snuggle her as much, I'll have another baby in my lap, giving him part of the attention that she has always had. I feel sad for her, like I'm jipping her out of a mommy. I know silly, silly I've done this with 2 other kids before and it all just worked out fine, but the feelings are still there.

So, yes change is a comin'! It's all good change, but change non-the-less and there is always an adjustment period to change. Hopefully in the next few days I'll be able to post some pictures of our sweet boy! Oh and by the way, I've had these crazy dreams that HE actually comes out a SHE and we are so not prepared with a name and clothes! AHH! Could you imagine!